I’ve been on a journey of healing physically, mentally and emotionally. As last year was ending, I could not have imagined that I would be where I am today. I have spent the last two months on the couch and in bed when I am not in hospital, while bearing a lot of physical pain, mental despair and emotional anguish over my uncertain future. I have had to accept that one day I might get too sick and not recover; That one day I might lose use of my limbs or lose a limb; That one day I might not have sight to see the faces of my beautiful children and dashing husband; That one day my body might just give up the fight and the disease might take so much from me that there isn’t much left. Especially my brain… my mind. Lately, I can feel it take more of me each day than I would care to admit.
My diabetes physician noticed this despair and she reminded me that with these diseases, you must change your reality with whatever changes that come your way. You must try and live each day to the fullest, whatever definition “full” is at the moment.
In a fortunate turn of events, I am finally on a treatment regimen that has brought balance in my body. I am on new pain medication that is working, daily insulin shots have made me more energetic and is improving the painful diabetic neuropathy that had taken my whole left side, and inflammation is finally responding to the immuno-suppressors. In a nutshell, I lots of things to be grateful for. In time, I am sure my eyesight will follow suit 😊
All this has made me realise that we all wake up each day and face mountains of challenges and curve balls in our reality that throw us off our plans and leave us feeling lost, like there is nothing good to look forward to. We look around and think that other people are having it easier than we are. But the truth is that our challenges are just different. We are all drowning in something. The difference lies in what we choose to see. Two people standing in the same spot in a forest could have entirely different perceptions. One could be standing there complaining of the dampness and lack of mobile phone reception, while the other one could be looking at the way the sun’s rays breathtakingly pierce the tree canopy letting in just enough warmth and glow.
What I’m trying to say is, whether fighting illness or not, life is pretty challenging. The only choice we have is to wake up every day and choose to see the sunshine even when it is so grey that there is barely any… we must try. We can catch a breath once in a while and feel sorry for ourselves, but after that, we have to get up and count those blessings. Because there is always a bright side. And when we can’t see it, may we be fortunate enough to have friends who show it to us. And if we don’t have friends to show it to us, I wish for you that a kind stranger may show it to you.
Through this flare-up I have learnt a lot. I have changed a lot too. I am happier than I was. It will be hard I know, with this new set of complications from the diabetes, but I will count every little blessing as I journey on. If all I have left is one eye to see the beauty of this world, I will be thankful for it. I will practice gratitude, for I have realised that in it truly lies happiness.