When this year began, I was obsessed with changing my spectacles. I wanted new frames for the new year. “Spectacles are like clothes,” I told my husband. “It gets tiring to look at the same pair for more than a year! So, this month I’m getting new frames!” As usual, my husband obliged me. He promised me that we would get a new pair before the month ended.
A few days later, I fell terribly sick, and I found out that on top of Behcet’s I was now diabetic as well. My world crumbled. I did not know what felt worse, the excruciating pain I was in, or that I would have to give up processed sugar! I know it sounds quite trivial to be lamenting about processed sugar at such a time, but when you have a syndrome that dictates most of your life, one gets little pleasures that make life worth living. And for me, cookies and chocolate are a big part of my sunny days! Since then, I have been learning how to live with the new circumstances. I am in worse fatigue than I used to be, and to make it worse, the main nerve in my stomach got affected by the diabetes, which puts me in a lot of pain and constipation.
All this made me wonder, “is this going to be the sum of my existence on earth? Surviving a disease then dying? No achievement yet professionally qualified to work?” I often sit and day dream about how it would feel like to wake up in the morning, get dressed, and go to work. After that, have a long day at work and come back tired from doing something. Not from being sick. I want to know how it feels like to have a life away from this couch!! My January, like many months before, has passed while I try to survive pain. But this time, I am filled with fury. I want more from life! I want to live! I don’t want to survive. I want to live! “And don’t we deserve that? to see our dreams come to pass?” I think we do.
It follows then that my new year resolution is to get a job in my field of work and rejoin the working class of citizens. Maybe I am being too radical or too daring…But dreams are free, so why should I limit mine 🙂